Squirrels. You’ve all seen them in parks and trees across the country. Most often they are grey and furry with cute twitching noses and a long bushy tail. Not the appearance you would expect a criminal mastermind to have but then that’s exactly what you’re supposed to think. In reality, behind the bright eyes and the disarmingly innocent face lies the mind of a hardened criminal genius waiting for his opportunity to strike. Every year squirrels make dozens of attempts to overthrow society as we know it. Thankfully for the continued survival of peace and order, all these attempts have so far failed. This is the story of one attempt that came closer than most…
Our tale begins on a beautiful late spring day, the kind that has the British public heading to the beach in droves, getting hideously sunburnt and then complaining that it is far too hot and they wish it would rain. The sky was clear except for the vapour trails of planes and the smell of freshly cut grass had many hay fever sufferers reaching for their packets of anti-histamines. It was near the end of term and the students of the local inner city university were beginning their summer break early.
Like flies to a left over pizza, they flocked to the park and threw themselves down on the grass. By mid afternoon, it was impossible to move more than ten paces without tripping over a comatose body as many felt the effects of the previous night’s ‘pound a pint’ promotion at the student union. Falling over people was not the only risk however. There was also a danger of decapitation as those with more energy and slightly less severe hangovers lobbed Frisbees around for the sake of entertainment. This was the first decent day of weather for weeks and the students were going to enjoy themselves.
